hmm...college. everything is finally sinking in... it's taken awhile, but it's sinking. and, that's EXACTLY the word. this is a whole different place, a different state of mind. i really do study, i do my own laundry, can go out on weeknights, and sleep in until 10 on tuesdays. all that's great, but some things hit a little harder.

im 100 miles from the person that everyone knew. sure, tville people live next door and downstairs, and occasionaly flash me glimpses from the place i used to be. but, i think people expected me to be a sort of way, and, even though i never would admit it - that reputation never gave me the oppurtunity to find ME. now im away. who am i?

i think it comes in waves. you miss home, you go home - and you figure out: things went on without you. lives went on - jokes grew cold - new friends were made - and it all happened without you there. it sinks. then, on the drive home, you look at the cornfields fly past and wonder when the next time you'll get to look at the stars, the next time you'll hold his hand, the next time youll drive. well, maybe that's just me.

another place, another time. i can't help but notice that my life has moved on, whether or not my mind is ready to accept it. clayton said it best: BE where your AT.

it still hurts: realizing maybe all the things you were sure about - all the things that were TRUE - maybe they fade. maybe my truth is different now. ME - maybe being flexible is what i need now. to bend to where my heart leads - to fall off the ledge. why not? im away.

life is about change right?

first semester freshmen. who knows how many waves will send me crashing to shore. i say: bring it.