Yesterday was just one of those days...augh. Something drags you down into that dreaded hole, and you spend the whole freaking day searching for a way out... Sooner or later you give up on the idea of escaping and decide to tunnel a passage way to another friend's hole...only to find it empty- they're out of their hole for the time being. I hate the stinking hole. I made a record this year for time being spent in my hole... i think i might have actually even dug it a little deeper...it was just a bad year.
Usually i have enough pizzazz to battle the tang that comes against me during the day...but not this time. It was a full blow. I think the bubble wrap fell off of my heart, and I started to remember things... Which is the worth thing that could happen when you have just learned to forget. Not the bad stuff...the good stuff -which kills me the most. Man, I wish i could blog about it all -but i just don't know how that would work out. I'm not all about throwing my heat into the hands of anyone willing to read... but sometimes I wish i were. Maybe it would do some good....but for now.....maybe not. So, into the hole I fell.....................ouch -it hurts to hit bottom.
...so, i cleaned my room. A direct order from my mother, but I had to admit that the clutter was starting to bother me too. So i grabbed a trash bag from under the sink, with an anticipation of throwing things away. Because, GOD, it feels good to throw things away. Clothes were piled on my hope chest....so i started to pile them into my drawers... at least they're out of the way now. Under them are all types of letters from colleges, senior picture forms, and other mail that I promise myself I'll go through someday....I begin to pile it somewhere too.....wishing i could just throw it away. Cleaning my room is one of my "open-mind times". Like in the shower or driving my car, my mind just seems to be more open, more willing to understand things... Maybe it's the fact that my radio was on, because every time the radio is on I feel like i'm in a movie- therefore, my mind becomes dramatic. Me and my conflicting emotions, cleaning my room....falling farther in the hole was inevitable. If I could tell myself to NOT feel the way that I do, this would be a little less confusing... and I can fool myself for a little while, until something pops up and tangs me away...then they come back. I argue with myself, the brain vs the heart....with, of course, the heart always winning. But, GOD, it feels good to throw things away. Sometimes I wonder if the heaviness will ever lift off my chest.....if this hole is really just a bottomless pit...
...But that's life...and it's so much easier to just battle with those thoughts all day. However, I've learned that being optomistic is the only way to make it through those times. I have faith in love and in this life and in GOD....so it should all work itself out. Like me in Kristen proclaim.....................Just let it happen, deal with life as it happens....and try to figure it out later. However, it's so hard to take your own advice.
...So the hole....Of course, nothing a night out with the stars or a game of Half-Life couldn't cure....it did cure. Pizzazz threw the ladder down the hole and rescued it's reber. And, I just let go...why not, right? Because, GOD, it feels good to throw things away. I'll re-bubble wrap my heart and hope that the weight won't hurt the packaging this time...
My room is a lot cleaner...........I feel refreshed with a clean room.
Usually i have enough pizzazz to battle the tang that comes against me during the day...but not this time. It was a full blow. I think the bubble wrap fell off of my heart, and I started to remember things... Which is the worth thing that could happen when you have just learned to forget. Not the bad stuff...the good stuff -which kills me the most. Man, I wish i could blog about it all -but i just don't know how that would work out. I'm not all about throwing my heat into the hands of anyone willing to read... but sometimes I wish i were. Maybe it would do some good....but for now.....maybe not. So, into the hole I fell.....................ouch -it hurts to hit bottom.
...so, i cleaned my room. A direct order from my mother, but I had to admit that the clutter was starting to bother me too. So i grabbed a trash bag from under the sink, with an anticipation of throwing things away. Because, GOD, it feels good to throw things away. Clothes were piled on my hope chest....so i started to pile them into my drawers... at least they're out of the way now. Under them are all types of letters from colleges, senior picture forms, and other mail that I promise myself I'll go through someday....I begin to pile it somewhere too.....wishing i could just throw it away. Cleaning my room is one of my "open-mind times". Like in the shower or driving my car, my mind just seems to be more open, more willing to understand things... Maybe it's the fact that my radio was on, because every time the radio is on I feel like i'm in a movie- therefore, my mind becomes dramatic. Me and my conflicting emotions, cleaning my room....falling farther in the hole was inevitable. If I could tell myself to NOT feel the way that I do, this would be a little less confusing... and I can fool myself for a little while, until something pops up and tangs me away...then they come back. I argue with myself, the brain vs the heart....with, of course, the heart always winning. But, GOD, it feels good to throw things away. Sometimes I wonder if the heaviness will ever lift off my chest.....if this hole is really just a bottomless pit...
...But that's life...and it's so much easier to just battle with those thoughts all day. However, I've learned that being optomistic is the only way to make it through those times. I have faith in love and in this life and in GOD....so it should all work itself out. Like me in Kristen proclaim.....................Just let it happen, deal with life as it happens....and try to figure it out later. However, it's so hard to take your own advice.
...So the hole....Of course, nothing a night out with the stars or a game of Half-Life couldn't cure....it did cure. Pizzazz threw the ladder down the hole and rescued it's reber. And, I just let go...why not, right? Because, GOD, it feels good to throw things away. I'll re-bubble wrap my heart and hope that the weight won't hurt the packaging this time...
My room is a lot cleaner...........I feel refreshed with a clean room.
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