storm blowing in

tonight would be a good night to feel in love.

walking outside, the wind is enveloping and swirling. its warm with only the breeze- and it's light. it smells like the beginning of spring, and i can't help but feel satisfied, happy. the lightning behind the clouds, across the distance - it's pretty, silent and calming - and i think that if i were in a different place or time, i would stand a little longer. watch a little longer. feel a little more. but the wind is sweet and surreal, and it might carry me away. i consider drifting through this moment.

because despite all of what dramatic emotions we feel, it's the tender moments that i'd drift away on. so soft and subtle, enveloping and light. naive and innocent, sweet smelling, encompassing wind. i feel beautiful with the wind in my hair - like foreplay to our love affair. id let it carry me past all of right now.

what would i be without a night like this?

somehow i feel reassured... and not because of any one person. any one thing. any one event. i think ive found myself among all of this hurt - this betrayal, these tears. i want to own all of these emotions, and let them glow under my skin. i worry about loving others like i did him... i wonder if it'll compare. i try to imagine the day when i wont wish that he were here.

this feels simple to me. after a long time of complicated - this soft night is hope for a new season. i hurt - i hate. im lonely- im angry - im open - im shivering. i feel forgotten, i feel betrayed. these are all mine.

but, tonight it's just me... the wind is swirling, light peeking from the clouds, sweet drifting on the air.... and i feel unraveling, loosening - unfolding.

this is where i am at, right now. though love is not on my lips, or by my side - i can feel it through my hair and in my lungs.

and, for once, i don't miss him.