they'll build a statue for us.

i thought about him today...

dusting all the forgotten crevases of my room, stumbled across old letters, envelopes - small things i've saved, because at one point they meant something.

they were stacked under some books ive already read and some ive always meant to read - and i read the note he attached to a book he thought i should read. at the bottom, "i miss and love you."

dont know quite what it is about these things that take me back to old feelings, old memories - but finding tokens of what we used to be makes me realize how much time has passed and how different the now actually is...

i think of what we went through -- how we tried, failed, and stumbled around love for so long. ive learned so much from our relationship - and in this new relationship, i find myself correcting all the mistakes i made with him.

makes me wonder about love- how it works, what it's like, is it just once, and why is it the more intense your feelings, the harder it is to see straight in a relationship?

i put all our memories and tokens and nostalgia into a shoebox and shelved it - top of the closet. where i wont find it for a couple months. maybe then i'll thumb through our things and remember the fun we had, the times we were happy, and how we fell apart. there's no hurt there anymore.. ive grown past the need for validation, for explanation - and just settled for what's left between us.

to me, we loved. and i believe that it doesnt fade. we've changed -and both moved on. i find myself wishing nothing but the best for him, which, when i was hurting, i didnt think was possible. i find myself still needing his friendship - his opinion. i still care what he thinks, still want him to know all the good things in my life. i still call, late and/or drunk, when im broken and hurt - and need nothing more than an ear. and that's what we are -- what we've become..

in a week he'll leave for another state. and i wonder how long until i'll see him. and what things will be like then. will i still be with micah? will he have found someone? will we still remember that summer?

life moves and carries us along- moving us pass all these moments, pushing them farther into the past. relationships, friendships - some get lost, some grow stronger... i just hope i always feel good about them. i hope i always love, and that it lingers with these old letters, with these old pictures, with these memories - and although shelved in dusty crevases, it emerges every so often and reminds me of a beautiful time.

on another letter, he signs with, "we'll always have the memories, if nothing else."