Wednesday, June 19, 2002

Have you ever arm wrestled the wind?
[fingers dancing between the waves of breeze]

Have you ever hurt on purpose?
[because that's the only way to remember him/her]

Have you ever spun?
[just to be dizzy, without a cause]

Have you ever napped outside?
[just to dream with clarity]

Have you ever sang in the car?
[alone, even though other drivers can see]

Have you ever driven down random streets?
[just to see if he/she was home]

Have you ever stared into the rear view mirror?
[just to cling to the past]

Have you ever wished you were someone else?
[to wear his/her shoes]

Have you ever said the right thing?
[at the wrong time]

Have you ever taken the chance?
[before it fell from your fingertips]

Have you ever said goodbye?
[with more things to say]

Have you ever held it all in?
[just to one day let it all out]

Have you ever broken a heart?
[on accident]

Have you ever stubbed your toe?
[and used it as an excuse to cry]

Have you ever been dramatic?
[just because you were bored]

Have you ever laughed at a stupid joke?
[just to make someone happy]

Have you ever felt stupid?
[and liked it]

Have you ever decided to live?
[because it is your life]

---


absolutely No explanation...heh

Monday, June 17, 2002

"Jenny, I figured out why I like you so much?"

"Why's that, dearie?"

"Well, youre smart like a grown-up, but you act like a kid."

--Possibly the greatest compliment I've ever recieved....and of course was delivered by a kid. That's why I love them so much.......the world is so much clearer through their eyes. They have technicolor dreams but understand them through black and white. It's a wonderful thing to be a kid, and I find myself grasping for the small tidbits of kiddom that are drifting away...

.......it's all about imagination. I've found few adults that can take trips around the United States in a huge conversion van with a built-in nintendo or have a restaraunt that serves everything from mac and cheese to hog nose soup.....imagination. We grown-ups call it creativity. Unfortunately it's a controlled state of mind, stifled by the need to feel cool.

...We had dance recital dress rehearsals this week. I drug the kids along to watch....and they did -the whole TWO freaking hours...Every so often while I was on stage I would throw my glare to the top of the bleachers where they would be uncomfortably shifting...poor things. I was expecting tantrums and complaining, but I recieved neither as we filed into my car to go home. As usual I plopped down at their computer to read a few blogs to pass some time.....then, out of the corner of my eye I saw Bridget fumbling through my dance bag. Nothing unusual, probably just looking for some gum or something. Then, a moment later, she's spinning and jumping in my worn jazz dance shoes.

--I don't know...I guess certain moments in life cause you to jump back. Like, woah......that's beautiful. It could be anything -at least for me....sometimes the simplest things can catch my eye and cause me to jolt back and drop my jaw on how beautiful life can be.... This was definetly one of those moments.

Maybe it was the fact that I knew she was dancing on some auditorium's humongous stage probably to the music of the Lion King or something...She was doing perfect pirouttes and all kinds of complicated leaps that leave the audience in a respectful awe...definetly not in a kitchen bumping between the sink and dishwasher.

....imagination in action i suppose.....a kid in action.

Then it made me think of my 'dancing' times as a kid....my favorite movie happened to be Anne- I mean come on, it rocked. Everytime one of the catchy tunes would come on, I would perfectly complete my own constructed choreography...and it would be perfect. I didn't care that my mom was in the kitchen talking to my grandma on the phone and could walk in at any second reprimanding at me for acting like a monkey around so many breakable objects - because, i wasn't there....i was performing the star role of Anne in the broadway musical in New York City... then i would proceed to the bathroom mirror for my after-show interview...where I proceed to tell Oprah all about how my beginnings were in my living room, dancing to the music of an over-played video cassette.

Which leads me to a confession I need to make... I still do this. However, it's behind the my room's closed door...but i still dance when no one is watching. Heh. Me and Kristen have actually talked about singing in our rooms, pretending to be diva's performing their hits, and getting busted by our moms telling us to 'keep it down'... Clinging to a little kiddom, like i said. And, I know there are more of us out there.... haha. My theory is: if the time ever comes when youre too cool to be yourself around yourself, then the desire to be cool begins to eat away at your soul and your individuality...

I would like to see the rule that states it is NOt cool to pretend....

Like I said............it's ALL about imagination!