spring break was beautifully boring. and suprisingly enough, i feel motivated. my philosophy paper came out pretty good, i have a job for this summer, and i cleaned my closet... things are looking up.
im suffering from a self-inflicted sleeplessness from that coffee i bought for the drive home. i would love to be asleep right now... im trying to turn over a new leaf for the last spurt of the semester. im anxious to pull up my grades and to put forth a little more effort. maybe pull myself out of the whole i dug. told you i felt motivated.
and i still haven't gotten a letter from the music department yet. they were suppose to mailed out the 15th. i know it's a rejection letter, it would be pretty much the salt in the wound left over from the professor's email. i had planned to not even open it, let it rest in the pages of my journal... in between all of the entries i had tried to rid myself of the nerves that ironically led to the letter. makes me wonder if i'll even get one. which burns even more... almost making it mean more of nothing. like, as if it were so bad that they wouldn't send a letter. months of practicing...and no letter.
i guess it's stupid to even think about it anymore. i don't feel sorry for myself... after all, i am passing on the chance to audition again. even with the suggestion of the professor. i know taking this route is not as romantic as my previous dreamful and ambitious self. but, im standing by my decision this time. i don't know if it's disappointment or just reality, but something in my stomach tells me to tuck my tail and turn away this time. im fine with that. there are more important things, and as always, things will work out.
no regrets, remember?
things ARE looking up. ben folds next monday... which means kristen, brink, and hopefully heath will spend some time in champaign. and the concert will be amazing.
Easter is coming up too, which will give me a reason to spend the weekend at home. before you know it i'll be complaining about studying for finals and writing philosophy essays. then summer will be here. and i shouldn't start to daydream about it yet, because thats all i'll do for the next month. but just tampering with the thought of a bathing suit in the backyard makes me want to hit the fast forward button.
oh what i would give for a remote controlled life.
im suffering from a self-inflicted sleeplessness from that coffee i bought for the drive home. i would love to be asleep right now... im trying to turn over a new leaf for the last spurt of the semester. im anxious to pull up my grades and to put forth a little more effort. maybe pull myself out of the whole i dug. told you i felt motivated.
and i still haven't gotten a letter from the music department yet. they were suppose to mailed out the 15th. i know it's a rejection letter, it would be pretty much the salt in the wound left over from the professor's email. i had planned to not even open it, let it rest in the pages of my journal... in between all of the entries i had tried to rid myself of the nerves that ironically led to the letter. makes me wonder if i'll even get one. which burns even more... almost making it mean more of nothing. like, as if it were so bad that they wouldn't send a letter. months of practicing...and no letter.
i guess it's stupid to even think about it anymore. i don't feel sorry for myself... after all, i am passing on the chance to audition again. even with the suggestion of the professor. i know taking this route is not as romantic as my previous dreamful and ambitious self. but, im standing by my decision this time. i don't know if it's disappointment or just reality, but something in my stomach tells me to tuck my tail and turn away this time. im fine with that. there are more important things, and as always, things will work out.
no regrets, remember?
things ARE looking up. ben folds next monday... which means kristen, brink, and hopefully heath will spend some time in champaign. and the concert will be amazing.
Easter is coming up too, which will give me a reason to spend the weekend at home. before you know it i'll be complaining about studying for finals and writing philosophy essays. then summer will be here. and i shouldn't start to daydream about it yet, because thats all i'll do for the next month. but just tampering with the thought of a bathing suit in the backyard makes me want to hit the fast forward button.
oh what i would give for a remote controlled life.
