I left you in the morning,
And in the morning glow,
You walked a way beside me
To make me sad to go.
Do you know me in the gloaming,
Gaunt and dusty grey with roaming?
Are you dumb because you know me not,
Or dumb because you know?

All for me? And not a question
For the faded flowers gay
That could take me from beside you
For the ages of a day?
They are yours, and be the measure
Of their worth for you to treasure,
The measure of the little while
That I've been long away.

that's robert frost's "Flower-Gathering" -- i like it.

Yet another pizazzless week...well, pizazz here and there -but not enough to leave a permanent smile on my face. Kristen is actually on my computer room floor right now...making googly noises w/Gus (our new puppy)...yes, that's what it has come to. Just a second ago she was sprawled out throwing a tantrum about the rain....i would join her, but of course AOL rescued my boredom. This is sad, too much rain...How many days of school are left? eight? is that it? AND IT'S RAINING. it's hard to be excited about anything while it's raining.

Rain is best described by kristen in her entry in mario's famous notebook - "it's not quite pizazz, not quite tang...but in the middle.....the 'blah'" - ain't it the truth...
[okay, so i guess it's time for a little bit of background information]

----pizzazz & tang----- if you ever have had a conversation with either me or kristen you probably heard these words once or twice....well, it all happened in me and kristen's daily trip from english to our lockers....we see the same faces everyday, make the same smiles at the same time, yada yada yada - one day, we decided we were tired of the same 'ole same 'ole - we needed to spice things up, we needed pizzazz -and the word came out, and it fit, so perfectly! About a second later we see a girl trip up the stairs -something completely out of the norm- and it was wonderful...i guess the best description of pizzazz would be as kristen put it - the little sparkly things when you press on your eyes really hard. However, there is tang - tang is the complete opposite of pizzazz. For example, when that girl fell up the stairs - that was pizzazz for innocent bystanders, but bitter tang for that girl - tang is a nerd blizzard from dairy queen - it's that weird taste that gives your tongue goosebumps....Life has shown us that there must be an equal balance of these two figures....so that's the background of pizzazz and tang - just so you're alllllll clued in! hah

...anywho....this rain nonsense....maybe pizzazz is not able to be wet, we may never know...all i know is - summer is coming up, in fact it's like at our fingertips- and this no tang or no pizzazz stuff is gonna have to stop....the "blah" stage sucks.

by the way...kristen is still on the floor....i think she has recovered though. *sigh* soon i will leave my haven at the computer, together me and kristen will search for our lost pizzazz....it's probably hiding, probably afraid of storms....

Just leave it up to the rebers...and pizzazz will be restored. ;)



HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Whelp...I'm updating the blog...as if you can't already tell that! heh. I've attempted the past two night to do this, but my dogs were driving me crazy - likely excuse i know. Actually, i didn't have any flowing thoughts -i did- they just didn't make any sense.

I hate when i have nothing on my mind to write in this thing... i can have a million ideas float in and out of my mind throughout the school day, but when i plop down in front of this computer screen, they decide to cease to flow - bah! I have to try and coax them out with thought provoking songs...and.....then......oh, is it true - i feel them coming, yeeeeeeeeaahhhhh........

Clayton told me i was getting too 'feminine' on him -hah, clayton, what a character. I've acquired brashness this year, which i suppose would make me appear more "manly"...hah...It's just one of the things that has shifted over this past year. It's been a good year...i'm not as naive as i used to be, and i managed to loose naivete and maintain innocence at the same -yeah, i know -quite a talent :) . I've definetly grown up, which i don't like to think about for too long. Maybe that's why i like to be around clayton so much - he brings out the fun, little kid in me. hah, when i hang out with him, thing like the ACT's, AP English, and U of I don't over come everything in my mind. yeay for clay! i suppose that's what good friends are for...

These two little girls, one little - one rather large, keep making laps around my block....no, you think i'm talking about today, like within the hour- nope, this has been going on for weeks now! They're either on foot or bike....but their going....around in a giant square. I remember when i use to do that on my bike...and you know, it wasn't the least bit boring -i could probably have done it for hours- i DID do it for hours. I'd rather be a little kid. Me and mario kinda talked about the other night....imaginary friends. They're so cool....and when you're little - you believe it no matter what- kids don't question where their creature came from, or why it breathes ice and not fire - it's just there...there's no reason to disprove prove it -so why try to prove it? Nope, not us 'mature' adults....we can't allow ourselves to believe in something that can't be proven by a scientific equation or by a written law. Even Jesus said his followers should have "faith like a child"....believing without seeing. Yeay for kids. Wouldn't we all be a little better off if we could each have our own imaginary world to escape to when we are needing a get a way??
...........where everyone knows your name..............................
well, an imaginary get-a-way or Cheers....wherever :)

Did i mention how much i love people? thought i should throw that in there...even the stupid ones. Me and my dad share this weird fascination in just watching people....like in a busy place- anywhere....just sitting down and watching people. (everyone thinks i'm weird now, but hang in there) - I guess i'm just fascinated that their are so many lives out there....sure they eat and drink and junk - but lives as in failed love, tragedy, drama, joy, love success, first kisses - there are soooo many stories -and each one is unique with a different twist on it. It's kind of like that big huge overwhelming feeling you get when the sun hits the moon just right and you can see it's dimensions - you know those times when you realize you're not the only person in the world, and that's okay. ....so when i get this urge to sit and watch people i fall into this deep thought...and sometimes i just wish i could capture ever story of a particular persons life.....see a person with wedding ring, how'd you fall in love?....see a person with burn marks, how'd that happen?....see a person with a baby, how bad does it actually hurt to give birth?. A billion people in this world with a billion stories...just dying to be told, i bet...

*sigh* - i guess i'm really not the only person in the world...

So a blog...this is it. Wow...i feel better already. I've been reading other people's blogs now forever....i actually was 'anti-blog' for awhile. i guess i just couldn't understand how i could allow myself to be completely honest to anyone who was willing to read. maybe that's my problem...time to be honest jenny.

so here i am....i really don't know how to begin a blog. talking about me....things that happen to me...yada yada yada. sitting here thinking about the people who are going to be reading this make me realize there are only a handful of people that really know me - like REALLY know me - like, they would probably know my favorite color without me ever having to tell them. that makes me sad. i've always had a problem with letting people get too close...and the ones that do get close - i never let them go. i guess i walk through the halls of our beloved THS and flash smiles to people that i'd really love to know...but probably will never connect to them -why is that?

"...i totally don't understand one thing you guys are talking about...it's like you live in your own little world....everything is an inside joke..." - i loved that. someone said that during a lab in chemistry about me and kristen. yeah- we do have our own little world - and it's always so difficult to try and clue people in to our craziness. i don't quite know how to explain this connection we have....i mean -get this- we find things to laugh about during a stinkin' chemistry lab (which happens to be my most-hated class) - i'm so happy to have someone like that in my life...someone to laugh with ALL the time....through good times and hellish chemistry labs. i think we feed off each other's creative juices...and we form things that are totally out of this world -one day, we're gonna be something great- just you wait. she's the only person that can understand me while i'm laughing....most other people have to sit patiently and watch me as my face gets beat red due to lack of oxygen in order to get the explanation....not her, our language is laughter- it's a non-stop type of thing. we just kind of stick together, through everything. we've been through a lot, more than many of you think - i guess if i had been blogging earlier you might've gotten in on those stories...but don't worry, there are more to come.

so...the end of the school year is coming...and i'm thinkin' "woo!" because- duh - it'll be summer....i've got my close budz really close and we have lots of plans that will ensure a summer not wasted. then i'm thinkin' "bleh" - because it means 'goodbye' time to some of my most favorite people...that's right. you stupid seniors...growing up without me. just the pending thought that things may never be the same...as much as i like the thought of being closer to getting out of this school, i'd like to use the 'pause button' right now....so i could just smile at things for a while....i've learned SO much over this past year...and a lot of these realizations are due to many of my older friends - and they probably don't even realize it... but...YEAH! i'm talking about you! - i guess it's my turn to be the big kid...aye aye aye....like i said, you stupid seniors, why do i have to love ya so much?

so it's one o'clock - and my homework is still sitting in the trunk of my car -the perfect place for it. huckelberry finn - bah! if huckleberry finn was here now, he'd tell me...."jenny, just keep it in the trunk." - yeah, that sounds like a good enough excuse..."yeah, mrs. lanzotti, i felt i should keep in touch with the characters in the story, and in order to do that - i pretended to be that character....and therefore did not do my homework, just like huckleberry finn would do - or would not do for that matter" - yes, i'm birlliant.

so i just blogged....wow. i feel amazingly better, without ever feeling bad in the first place. and to think, i used to hate these things - i guess being honest out in the open might not be so bad. phew...i could probably write about 10 billion times more...but there's always tomorrow...