finally, an acceptance letter
i got accepted to ACES on friday.
finally, i can breathe. not because i was worried about getting in.... just relieved to finally HAVE a major. i no longer will be the 'pre-journ' i had come in as... no longer undecided. deep breath.
it's funny. i was as nervous holding the ACES envelope as I was when I saw my U of I letter hanging out of the mailbox at home. my hands were trembling... and as I was walking up the stairs to my apartment... just kept telling myself, "it'll be ok. whatever is in here. dealt once, could deal again."
but i lied, im not sure i could "deal" again. and luckily, i won't have to try.
it means more than i thought it would. in hindsight, last year was rough... struggling with the audition turmoil was the most disappointment ive had to deal with, and the effects spread throughout many other areas of my life.
i haven't been myself for a long time.
but, finally, i can pull together. it's nerdy of me, but, i love what im studying. i've spent a lot of time working with it this semester, and i can't wait to have a full HDFS courseload next semester. having something to dedicate myself to has helped me focus and gives me purpose at this university.
im nerdy.
but... it's not a guy, it's not parties, it's not empty. just something i can sink my teeth into, something to rely on, that won't slip away. i feel like ive found my niche, and the further i delve, the more dependent i am on myself, rather than previous slippery footholds.
im collecting haiti articles, and hopefully will start a scrapbook. sergeline and eldeane's picture isn't far away. im not just taking tests this semester, im working toward something that i LOVE. my motivation is different this time around.... refreshing.
and the best part, im accepted. it's all mine now. to run with. ive been waiting a long time, and finally, have found the part of me that's best brought out here. im beyond excited.
i don't want a boyfriend. could care less about fitting in. don't feel bad about staying in all weekend. i just want to spend time focusing on who i am...want to be...have potential on becoming. sounds cliche, huh?
but im serious.
i want to be a great friend to the people who have carried me for the past year. have fun being completely crazy with amazing people. do things im interested in.... see plays, audition for them. learn more about faith and love (see previous entry)... and focus on classes that finally spark my interest. apply for internships abroad this summer. point my studying toward goals that are lofty, but so exciting..... SO exciting.
im ready.
this will be a great semester. FOR ME. finally spending time getting back to the person i used to be... things have finally pulled together. and, for the first time in over a year, i can breathe.
sigh.
cause, i am fragile,
i am hopeless,
im not perfect,
but im free.
finally, i can breathe. not because i was worried about getting in.... just relieved to finally HAVE a major. i no longer will be the 'pre-journ' i had come in as... no longer undecided. deep breath.
it's funny. i was as nervous holding the ACES envelope as I was when I saw my U of I letter hanging out of the mailbox at home. my hands were trembling... and as I was walking up the stairs to my apartment... just kept telling myself, "it'll be ok. whatever is in here. dealt once, could deal again."
but i lied, im not sure i could "deal" again. and luckily, i won't have to try.
it means more than i thought it would. in hindsight, last year was rough... struggling with the audition turmoil was the most disappointment ive had to deal with, and the effects spread throughout many other areas of my life.
i haven't been myself for a long time.
but, finally, i can pull together. it's nerdy of me, but, i love what im studying. i've spent a lot of time working with it this semester, and i can't wait to have a full HDFS courseload next semester. having something to dedicate myself to has helped me focus and gives me purpose at this university.
im nerdy.
but... it's not a guy, it's not parties, it's not empty. just something i can sink my teeth into, something to rely on, that won't slip away. i feel like ive found my niche, and the further i delve, the more dependent i am on myself, rather than previous slippery footholds.
im collecting haiti articles, and hopefully will start a scrapbook. sergeline and eldeane's picture isn't far away. im not just taking tests this semester, im working toward something that i LOVE. my motivation is different this time around.... refreshing.
and the best part, im accepted. it's all mine now. to run with. ive been waiting a long time, and finally, have found the part of me that's best brought out here. im beyond excited.
i don't want a boyfriend. could care less about fitting in. don't feel bad about staying in all weekend. i just want to spend time focusing on who i am...want to be...have potential on becoming. sounds cliche, huh?
but im serious.
i want to be a great friend to the people who have carried me for the past year. have fun being completely crazy with amazing people. do things im interested in.... see plays, audition for them. learn more about faith and love (see previous entry)... and focus on classes that finally spark my interest. apply for internships abroad this summer. point my studying toward goals that are lofty, but so exciting..... SO exciting.
im ready.
this will be a great semester. FOR ME. finally spending time getting back to the person i used to be... things have finally pulled together. and, for the first time in over a year, i can breathe.
sigh.
cause, i am fragile,
i am hopeless,
im not perfect,
but im free.
